Autism, Executive Functioning and Knowing Yourself
Author’s Note: I’m an autistic entrepreneur and entertainment journalist with a deep passion for movies, comics, and helping other people on the spectrum live happier, more fulfilled lives. In 2012, I co-founded Asperger Experts, which is now one of the largest autism-focused companies on the planet.
This is the first in a series of autism-focused articles I plan on writing for Medium. Originally published in a short-lived newsletter, this piece will eventually join a collection of articles I’m calling “A Spectrum Perspective.”
Autistic people embody the concept of the underdog in a beautiful way. We are so, so capable, and yet the world usually bets against us. We are often unbelievably intelligent and remarkably empathetic; we just may need extra support. When given tools that work for us, we operate incredibly well. But the prescriptive nature of things called “functioning labels” thrives amidst those unwilling to learn, as if people are determined to preserve the stigma for posterity.
When someone refers to an autistic person as “high-functioning,” they are creating an exception to a harmful implication. They are slapping a functioning label on that person and insinuating that having autism inherently means you can’t function as well as your peers. That’s not true. At all. We may need guidance in key areas, but when given the chance, we will absolutely shine.
What is Executive Functioning?
I think neurotypical people take jabs at our functionality because they’re picking up on an absence of executive functioning. It can certainly come across as us having poor planning skills or not being able to retain certain things, but the root cause is what needs addressing. But first, what is executive functioning?
Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child defines executive functioning as “the mental processes that enable us to plan, focus attention, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks successfully.” According to Harvard’s researchers, executive functioning relies on three critical brain functions: working memory, mental flexibility, and self-control. Likening it to an “air traffic control system,” these experts go about explaining executive functioning as necessary to finding order in our lives. Some semblance or illusion of order, at least. More on that in a bit.
My experiences with my own lack of executive functioning include me wading through clothes and trash to get to my bathroom (less of an exaggeration than I’d like to admit), letting food mold in my fridge, that kind of thing. But I noticed that my “messy” days coincided with extended periods of extreme overwhelm. I learned that my apartment was cluttered because my mind was cluttered. I wasn’t properly medicated, and I knew it. But I even put off making a five-minute phone call to my psychiatrist because I was just so depleted. This continued for months, and I reached a point where I didn’t think I’d ever climb out of that rut.
Executive functioning isn’t linear, meaning that you’re going to experience moments when you are offline and you won’t have the capacity to clean, organize, plan, or follow basic directions. That’s absolutely okay, and it doesn’t ever diminish the progress you’ve made. It just means that in the moment, you are compromised and need to check out for a bit. Remember: You’ll also notice times when you are able to clean, cook, etc.
Remember the alternative: If you push yourself too far, you’ll fall deeper into overwhelm for an even longer amount of time. I can say with confidence that some of the most challenging moments of my life hit me so hard because I didn’t take care of myself. I drank too much, ate crappy food, and adopted counterproductive sleeping habits. My behavior lowered my resiliency, and as a result I hardly ever functioned executively at all.
But see, this is tricky because executive functioning affects our ability to plan and follow instructions (including our own). So it’s a vicious cycle, one that claims so much of our time and energy and seems to give us little in return. It is important to stay kind and patient with yourself, especially when you’re exhibiting behaviors of which you aren’t proud. I still struggle with this.
All of this may take a bit more tweaking and fine-tuning than you may find comfortable, but I promise you that the result — -a healthier, happier you — — is always worth it. You deserve the peace of mind and heart that accompanies a good routine.
A solid number of the autistic people I know are empaths. Since the pandemic started, I’ve met several autistic people who worked themselves into shutdown in an effort to avoid feeling the true weight of everything that has been happening in the world. This is because they experience the world so deeply that they can’t just “turn off” without completely shutting down. I don’t know this for sure, but I’m certain their executive functioning went at least partially offline when this happened.
And I get the urge. Sometimes, not feeling is easier than feeling everything.
What Happens To Your Brain When You Are Overwhelmed?
Some quick science for you: I’m not a medical professional but I do know, based on what I’ve studied for years, that the brain, specifically the hippocampus (the part of your brain responsible for memory and learning) shrinks when you’re depressed. But pair depression with your anxiety and you’ve got an amygdala (the part of your brain charged with emotions) that increases in size. These are obviously simplifications made more for my understanding, but I hope that makes sense.
I’m not going to get into this any further right now, but my point is that when you are overwhelmed by “toxic stress” (Harvard’s words, not mine) or crippling depression, your brain physically changes. This strengthens the body/mind idea because it shows that emotional stressors can have a physical affect on your body.
If you’d like to learn more about the brain’s response to toxic stress, anxiety, and overwhelm, check out this Forbes piece.
EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING: A CLOSER LOOK
The illusion of control is a powerful motivator. It’s also the insidious architect behind so many false assumptions and misguided power plays. But one of the areas where we can take the reins is in how we manage our home. I chose our personal, private space because I want to hone in on an area, a physical space, where we can take note of how deep in the hole we are. Now, I use the messiness (or lack thereof) of my home to gauge how overwhelmed I am. It’s physical proof that my executive functioning is offline and that I’m shut down. The bright side, though, is that it helps me start working to climb out of overwhelm. So, let’s take a closer look at what I brought up earlier. A few paragraphs ago, I mentioned three brain mechanisms upon which executive functioning is extremely dependent. Let’s dive a bit deeper into that:
Working memory-this is basically short-term information retention.
Mental flexibility-sustaining attention and redirecting.
Self-control-priority setting and impulse control.
This is just a surface exploration of executive functioning. If you want to dive deeper, check out the following resources:
Harvard Center on the Developing Child
ACTIONABLE TAKEAWAY
I hate to say this but sometimes, awareness alone isn’t enough. Don’t get me wrong: cognizance is the first step in taking any kind of intentional action. I was aware of my dirty apartment for months. Did that help me finally clean and make my space presentable for both myself and others? Nope. If anything, it just shut me down more. The issue wasn’t the awareness. It was the overwhelm. When I attempted to clean or plan a grocery run, I nearly always ended up at the Wendy’s drive-through instead. It was easier, faster, and did less of a number on my spoon count for the day.
You may be asking, “So how do I get out of this?” The amended version of that is, “How do I soothe?” It’s the same question, but the amended version gets to the point quickly and with more specificity.
One of the approaches we took at Asperger Experts was addressing the cause of the issue, not the effect. We found it more efficient and more effective, two things people on the spectrum value highly. So first, I want you to examine what I’m going to call your “private space upkeep.” Again, I’m using cleanliness as an example because it can visually confirm offline executive functioning. Do you keep your space clean, or is it frequently messy? Do you have trouble going on regular grocery runs?
If the answer to either of those is “yes,” dive a bit deeper! Where else do you want to improve? How will it improve things for you? Really think about these things, and think about them on your own time.
I want you to sit with yourself for a bit. Really just spend some time relaxing, meditating, taking a pause and just resetting. It’s simple advice but most people don’t do this with the intention of resetting and recovering. So give it a shot!
I’m available on Twitter @hayden_mears. Hit me up with any questions you have!
